Hand Holding

A momentous and special event, an American pastime, a sign of love and affection, and I am NOT a fan... hand holding.  You see couples everywhere showing their love for one another with the unionization of their hands and fingers.  You are forced to walk around them on the sidewalk since public Red Rover is not socially acceptable. They are lost in their own little world, but let's be honest, when you look at the guy holding hands with his girlfriend, his eyes scream relentlessly for help. Let me explain why I am not a fan of this epic event couples share together.

First, I am a tall guy and seem to date smaller women.  While my arm is hanging by my side, two things either happen when the hand holding commences.  One, I have to bend down in order to reach her hand, or two, she must raise her arm to an uncomfortable position making me look like the older brother leading his younger sister around a busy baseball stadium.

Second, I never know whether to interlock fingers or just hold hands.  There is no instructional manual for this type of thing, but at the same time, as a man, the woman expects me to take the lead in this sort of situation.  Thanks society.  I feel like the holding of hands with no interlocking fingers is possibly acceptable for the first few hand holding scenarios, but after that, all hand holding options are in play.  Women seem to enjoy the interlocking fingers.  Well then here comes one of your friends that you know from high school, and you must begin the uninterlocking of the fingers.  It's like a Chinese puzzle figuring out which fingers leave first and which ones straggle behind.  There needs to be a couples class for this sort of thing.

Third, sweaty palms are nothing to be excited about.  It is only natural for precipitation to form on the palms of individuals that have been holding hands for a period of time.  This is how God made nature.  With sweaty palms comes clammy skin.  Also unavoidable but also not fun to be around.

I know girls love the art of hand holding and respect that there are also men out there that enjoy the same thing.  Maybe one day I will slowly begin to enjoy holding the hand of another, but I honestly do not see that time anywhere close around the corner.  Until that day comes though, I will continue to be a trooper and persevere through my hand holding fears for the comfort of the women.